Down an Unfamiliar Road

GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT!

I’m sure you know people who are always thinking negative thoughts even when they hear good news. In fact, one of them might be you. Not only does this affect your way of life, but it leads to feeling tired, anxious, discouraged, depressed, fearful, frustrated, and low self-image.

Here’s a story I read and want to share with you. The writer says, I know the feeling. For many years, I was in bondage to negative thinking. How can this be? Aren’t God’s people supposed to live victoriously because Jesus has overcome the world? Although I knew that mentally, somehow that message didn’t reach my heart. Then, one day it hit me: The thoughts you dwell on determine the world you live in. Wouldn’t it be nice if your old ways of thinking were wiped out when you accepted Jesus as your Savior? But that doesn’t happen.

You may still have mental strongholds of critical voices from the past, anxiety about your present circumstances, and/or fear of what is yet to come. This explains how it is possible for God’s people to be in just as much bondage as people of the world. The negative thoughts you keep stored up in your memory will affect each day you live.

As a child of God, you were not meant to live under mental oppression. 2 Corinthians 10:5 gives you guidance for overcoming this issue: “We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” This means negative self-talk is not meant to roam freely in your mind where it can wreck your life; you are called to actively take those thoughts as prisoners by the power of God’s word.

But that takes work, patience and yes, it takes time. But the effort is worth it because…The thoughts you dwell on determine the world you live in. Just imagine if all Christians would take this one instruction to heart and put it into practice. We would bear Spiritual fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

The world would see something different about us and want to know our secret. That would open the door for us to tell them about Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith! God delivered me. And He can deliver you too. This challenge is about seeking the Lord for a heart/mind change. I suggest that you start keeping a journal to document what the Lord is teaching you in this process.

Remember again: The thoughts you dwell on determine the world you live in. Ensure that the world you are living in is consistent with the abundant life that Jesus has for you! Be blessed with health, healing, and wholeness – by Kimberly Taylor

I agree with Kimberly that whatever we fill our minds with will color our thinking all day long. While being born again does not wipe our memory clean of all negative thoughts, they can be removed by replacing them with positive thoughts. It seems that the believers in Philippi were having the same problem, so the Apostle Paul told them: “Dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9).

So, instead of starting each day with social media, Facebook, Google News, CNN, MSNBC, or FOX News begin with God’s Word. Rather than turning on the radio for latest pop music, listen to Christian Radio. Also, what magazines or newspapers do you read each morning before reading you Daily Devotion? Whatever you fill you mind with through your eyes and ears, it will echo in your cranium all day.

There’s an old saying that goes: “You are what you eat.” The same is true of information. “You are what You read or automatically accept what you hear as true.” King Solomon tells us there are people who pick out an item on the menu based on price, not on taste or nutritional value. (Proverbs 23:7). God won’t change this for you, but He will give you the power you need to change it yourself. – Dr. Robert R Seyda

There are few things that bring a smile to our faces than when someone is thankful and shows their gratitude for what they received. But that smile can be quickly erased by another who is unthankful and exhibits a sense of ingratitude no matter how good the gift may have been. Since it seems hard to distinguish any difference between the two, psychologists tell us that thankfulness is a social norm applicable in general situations while gratitude is the special manifestation of spirituality, love, and affection.

Being thankful reveals one’s attitude. Psychologist Suzanne Kane explains that saying thank–you and showing your appreciation does more good than you may think. This benefit grows both to the giver and recipient. Indeed, these types of expressions and acts are powerful forms of gratitude. Yet, while it may seem normal to be verbally appreciative at certain times and with specific people, there’s much more that you can get out of thankfulness at other times.

Susan Krause Ph.D., notes that we all like being thanked. It’s a great feeling to have someone, especially someone who doesn’t stand to gain, tell us that we made a difference in their lives. In the past few weeks, I’ve had the good fortune of receiving some heartfelt thank you notes from students, pausing as they got ready to leave campus for the summer, or perhaps for good, to take a moment and let me know that something I said or did proved helpful to them. I’ve also had the good fortune of having favors done for me by people who went out of their way to help me solve a problem, fix something, or in fortunately only one case- return a lost cellphone. Being thanked and having reason to thank others are two sides of the same gratefulness coin. Both exemplify the positive in human behavior and provide us with a positive charge that boosts our emotional balance.

Dr. Krause goes on to say that if you’re at the receiving end of a thank-you, you may feel unsure about how to reciprocate. Does a thank-you present require a thank–you note? What about thanking someone who’s helped you? Do you reward a person who returns a lost item with cash or just allow your relieved face to serve as its own reward? Then there’s the guilt factor: What if you let a few weeks slip by without sending a thank-you note for a birthday gift? Does it look worse to send a belated thank-you note or just to forget the whole thing and hope the gift-giver won’t notice?

And science writer Seth Borenstein says that while it seems pretty obvious that thankfulness is a positive attitude, psychologists for decades rarely delved into the science of giving thanks. But in the last several years they have, learning in many experiments that it is one of humanity’s most powerful outlooks on life. It makes you happier and can change your attitude about life, like an emotional reset button.

Psychologist Taylor Bennett lists six benefits of being thankful: First, being thankful improves your physical heath. Second, it advances your psychological health as well. Third, it can help you sleep better. By being thankful you feel less tired at the end of the day. Fourth, it helps foster new relationships. Fifth, it enhances empathy and lessens aggression. Sixth, it can improve your self-esteem. And Melissa Dahl, senior editor for a New York magazine adds two more. Seventh, you will appreciate those closest to you and make them feel wanted. Eighth, your fellow employees will work with you even harder to get things done.

These scientifically-proven benefits of showing thankfulness, says Bennett, permits us to be thankful for all of your treasures and blessings, not only on Thanksgiving Day, but every day. Not only will you show your loved ones how much they really mean to you, but you’ll also do some good for your own overall wellbeing.

Yet, what does the Bible say about thankfulness? The Psalmists are not quiet about this. In fact, they were jubilant at the idea of being thankful. They write: “Oh give thanks to the Lord, call on His name!”[1] And in one Psalm following another, “Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!”[2] There’s no better way to begin a day than in giving thanks to the One who makes living possible.

The Apostle Paul says, “Whatever happens, always be thankful. This is how God wants you to live in the Anointed One, Jesus.”[3] And again, “Always give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus the Anointed One.”[4] He also tells believers, “Don’t worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks for what you have.”[5] And to those in Greece he writes, “Thanks be to God for His gifts that are too wonderful to describe.”[6]

Then Paul composes it into a blessing and benediction: “Let the peace that the Anointed One gives control your thinking. It is for peace that you were chosen to be together in one body. And always be thankful. Let the teaching of the Anointed One live inside you richly. Use all wisdom to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Everything you say and everything you do should be done for Jesus your Lord. And in all you do, give thanks to God the Father through Jesus.”[7]

As the great evangelist Dwight L. Moody once said, “If we make a full surrender, God will give us something better than we have ever known before.  We will get a new vision of Jesus the Anointed One, and will thank God not only in this life but in the life to come.” So, how can you ever hope to thank Him when you meet Him face to face in the sky, if you don’t thank Him now? And how can you stand beside your loved one who just passed away and thank them for all the good things they did for you when they can’t hear it? Or, what good does it do to thank someone late or without really showing any gratitude? Keep all these things in mind and be thankful for being reminded now, instead after it is too late. – Dr. Robert R Seyda

[1] Psalm 105:1

[2] Ibid. 106:1; 107:1

[3] 1 Thessalonians 5:18

[4] Ephesians 5:20

[5] Philippians 4:6

[6] 2 Corinthians 9:15

[7] Colossians 3:15-17

DON’T’ BE A VICTIM, BE A VICTOR

A lady worshipper shares her story of several years ago when thieves smashed the windows of eight cars in the church parking lot during the Sunday morning worship service. It was devastating. When those members came out to their cars after the service was over, they discovered shattered glass on the ground and in the car, and found valuable property stolen. How could such a thing happen on church grounds – on God’s property? But it happens all the time, she says. I’m not talking about just the natural but in the supernatural.

So, she explains. She had been meditating on John 10:10 lately in which Jesus called Satan a “thief:” The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I, said Jesus, have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. In the natural, you would take safety precautions if you knew you lived among thieves, wouldn’t you? At our church, we normally have security guards patrolling the parking lot during our Sunday services. But we found out later that no one was on guard that particular Sunday. It turned out to be a costly oversight.

Let’s look at this from a life perspective. Has the enemy destroyed or stolen something from you? think of several things he is robbing Christians of right now:

            Health

            Relationships/marriages

            Children’s futures

            Finances

            Peace of mind

            Joy

Are we doing everything we can to protect our territory which the Lord has given us?

The enemy loves to use our emotions against us. Scripture gives us another warning about the protection issue: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). We cannot allow ourselves to get “drunk” off food (gluttony/bingeing) or anything else in the natural that keeps us bound.

So, while we are mentally impaired, the enemy is robbing us blind! Isn’t it time that we sober up and start standing guard over our territory? The Lord is ready to help. The following are two ways we can start protecting yourself better when it comes to your health:

1. Internal Protection. To me, this is the area where Christians fail to protect ourselves most. We allow the enemy to sow lying thoughts into our minds and let them grow. I define a lying thought as any pattern of thinking that contradicts God’s word. When we don’t take the time to find out what God’s word says and implement it, then all we have is what the devil says. That is the default programming of this world. Many Christians are walking with the enemy in their daily lives without even knowing it. And of course, the devil is happy that they keep him close so that he can keep on stealing!

A good question to ask yourself in your thought life is: “Where are these thoughts taking me?” Some thoughts lead you where you don’t want to go! The enemy can deceive you into by clouding your mind with false evidence.

2 Corinthians 10:5 gives us this guidance: “Tear down every proud idea that raises itself against the knowledge of God. Capture every thought and make it give up and obey the Anointed One.” Also, Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.”

So, this is the main work that you must do if you want to take back what the devil is stealing from you. If you are in bondage to negative thinking and mental strongholds, then clean your mind by using Biblical wisdom.

2. External protection. Assess your environment to see what your daily intake is from Television, Newspapers, Magazines, Social Media, Facebook, etc. Here’s a simple guideline: Keep close those things that help you to do good; keep away those things that lead you into doing bad. Here’s an example from some years ago: A lady wrote about her weakness for binge TV series viewing. She stated that she kept the TV on all the time so she wouldn’t miss anything.

She didn’t know why the Lord didn’t remove the temptation from her. Here’s a question for all of us: Let’s say we knew there was a habitual thief who lived in our neighborhood. Would we leave the door to our house wide open for them to come in and steal what they wanted? Of course not. Would you expect the Lord to come down from heaven and shut the door for you? If so, you’ll have to wait a long, long time for that to happen. You see, the Lord gives us wisdom on what to do. Our responsibility is to do what the Lord says.

I am sure that the Lord told this lady she needed to get turn off her TV addiction because it had become a snare to her. But here’s an uncomfortable truth; sometimes people want to have an affair with the enemy while being married to Jesus! They want to leave the door open just a crack so that the enemy can sneak in for what they think will be a short, midnight visit. But the enemy does not work like that. If we give him an inch of territory, he will eventually take it all!

It is wise to keep anything that can overcome our weaknesses far from us. – at home, work, whatever territory you occupy. Good planning beats great intentions every time! If you are not willing to do this, then you need to confront the fear behind it. Ask yourself: “What do I fear will happen if I don’t keep my TV, Notepad, or I-Phone close to me?” If you are not sure what specific internal and external protections you need to put in place, then seek the Lord in prayer about it. Ask Him for wisdom. Seek Him with all your heart. Your heart is the “Holy of Holies” in your temple.

The Lord is your best defense because He is committed to seeing you finish well. He wants you to walk in freedom in Him, not in bondage to anything. God will do His part in securing your protection. Are you ready to do yours? Be blessed in health, healing and wholeness. (by Therapist Kimberly Taylor, Senior Vice President in the Judicial Arbitration and Mediation Services, Inc., Career Group in San Francisco.)

The wise King Solomon in his proverbs tells us, “Don’t take the path of mischievous people; don’t follow those who do wrong. Stay away from that path; don’t even go near it. Turn around and go another way.” (Proverbs 4:14-15). The Apostle James puts it this way: “You are tempted by the evil things you want. Your own desire leads you away and traps you.” (James 1:14).

The Apostle Paul adds this: “The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13).  It’s just like eating. Do you eat things to satisfy your hunger or do you eat them because they look tempting? Are you eating to keep yourself healthy, or are you willing to take chances that high cholesterol, blocked arteries, and becoming obese will not happened to you?

Moses and Jesus said it all: “God humbled you and let you be hungry. Then He fed you with manna – something you did not know about before. It was something your ancestors never saw. Why did the Lord do this? Because He wanted you to know that it is not just bread that keeps people alive. People’s lives depend on what the Lord says.” (Deuteronomy 8:3; Matthew 4:4). – Dr. Robert R Seyda

Our pastor, Rick Warren, wrote a beneficial and successful book titled, “The Purpose Driven Life.” But it is hard to get his real message if we don’t understand what purpose means. It begins by realizing how important your life’s purpose is. It’s more than a dream or a fantasy. It involves exploring the possibilities in life.

Dr. Phillip and Jane Mountrose, founding directors of Awakenings Institute, tells us that life doesn’t have to be stressful, meaningless, and uninspiring. We discovered that a sense of purpose provides direction, confidence, and significance. With purpose, each day can become a joyful and meaningful expression of your true identity. There’s nothing like it, they say! You weren’t born just to survive or to settle for a life that doesn’t mean anything to you. More is possible, so much more. You have far more power and potential than you might imagine.

Phillip and Jane list, what they call, treasures awaiting you as you open up to your life’s purpose. They are as follows:

Your life will become a joyful expression of your unique brilliance.

You will be able to focus more, knowing where you are heading.

You will be able to prioritize what is important.

You will manage your time and money better with an understanding of who you are and why you are here.

You will deepen important relationships and find new relationships that support everyone concerned in wonderful ways.

You will be more resilient, knowing setbacks are learning opportunities not failures.

You will find meaningful work that becomes a calling for something greater, including a greater you.

We all have no doubt heard the saying, “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” But a team of British researchers recently turned this idea on its head. University College London’s Andrew Steptoe and Daisy Fancourt (2019) examined a wide range of possible influences on well-being; they independently examined the roles of such factors like health, income, cultural involvement, and social relationships over a four-year period on a large sample of adults 50 and older living in the U.K. Happiness, as it turns out, may not be linked simply to health, wisdom, or income, but to the belief that your life has a purpose.

Modern scientific research on where does human purpose have its origins, begins of all places, in a Holocaust survivor’s experiences in a series of Nazi concentration camps. While a prisoner at Theresienstadt, Auschwitz, and two satellite camps of Dachau (where I was once stationed in the US Army), Viennese psychologist Victor Frankl noticed that fellow prisoners who had a sense of purpose showed greater resilience to the torture, slave labor, and starvation rations to which they were subjected. Writing of his experience later, he found a partial explanation in a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear almost any ‘how.’” Frankl’s 1959 book Man’s Search for Meaning, a book which proved to be seminal in the field, crystallized his convictions about the crucial role of meaning and purpose. A decade later, Frankl would assist in the development of the first and most widely used standardized survey of purpose, the 21-item “Purpose in Life” test.[1]

Lydia Denworth, writing in Psychology Today, says that the feeling that one’s life has meaning can come from any number of things – from work (paid or unpaid) that feels worthwhile, from cherished relationships, from religious faith, or even from regularly appreciating the sunset. While it does not much matter what gives you purpose, it does matter that you find it somewhere. A growing body of research has found that the feeling that one’s life has meaning is associated with a host of positive health outcomes. And now, a new study of older adults published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences goes even further by revealing that the sense that one is living a purposeful life appears to be positively linked to just about every aspect of our lives, not just health. The new study also followed people over time and found that the more purposeful they found their lives to be, the more positive changes they experienced.

But before all of this research, answers why it is so important to live a purposeful life are addressed in God’s Word. The Hebrew noun Mahasabha is translated into English as “thought,” “plan,” “device,” and “purpose” For instance, the Psalmist cried out, “Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things [purpose] you planned for us.”[2] And again, “How great are your works, Lord, how profound your thoughts [purposes]!”[3]

And King Solomon declared, “Plans [purposes] fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.” And the prophet Jeremiah received this message from the LORD, “For I know the plans [purposes] I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans [purposes] to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”[4]

Also, when Barnabas arrived in Antioch, he saw the effects of God’s grace and was glad, so, “He exhorted them all, that with a purpose [Greek prothesis] of heart to hold onto the Lord.”[5] And one of the most famous sayings of Paul is this, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”[6] And when talking about Jacob and Esau, Paul said, “Before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad – in order that God’s purpose in election might stand.”[7] And to the Ephesians, Paul speaks of how God does things, “according to His eternal purpose that He accomplished in Jesus, the Anointed One, our Lord.”[8]

So, you see, you don’t need for God to give you a purposeful life; He already has established the purpose for which you were born. And you do not need to go looking for some purpose in life or make one up from your imagination. Ask Him, and He will reveal it to you. And don’t be afraid of what you might be told. Remember Paul’s words, all things work together for good when you know and follow according to God’s purpose for your life. – Dr. Robert R Seyda

[1] You can find it on, RISE purpose in life test.pdf

[2] Psalm 40:5 – NIV

[3] Psalm 92:5

[4] Jeremiah 29:11

[5] Acts of the Apostles 11:23

[6] Romans 8:28

[7] Ibid. 9:11

[8] Ephesians 3:11

HIS WORD IS A LAMP FOR MY FEET

In the last few weeks, I’ve heard the phrase “Gaslighting” on the news, especially about the current political situation. I always try to keep up with the latest terms so I can understand what people are saying. But I must admit, gaslighting had escaped my attention until now.

Mary Ellen Mann, a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Denver, gives us a definition: “Gaslighting occurs in a relationship when one person tricks the other individual into doubting their experiences.” When this happens, you hear such comments as these:

“You’re crazy – that never happened.”

“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”

“It’s all in your head.”

If your friends, family, colleagues, bosses, professors, roommates, partners respond in any manner that leads you to believe that you should question your judgement, perception of reality, even your own sanity, that person may be using what mental health professionals call, “gaslighting.”

This term comes from the 1938 stage play, Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out. It is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes the victim to question his/her own feelings, instincts, and sanity. Once an abusive person has broken down the victim’s ability to trust his/her own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.

There are a variety of gaslighting techniques that an abusive person may use, says Mann:

Withholding: “I don’t want to hear this again.” “You’re trying to confuse me.”

Countering: “You’re wrong. You never remember things correctly.”

Blocking/Diverting: “Is that another crazy idea you get from a [friend/family member]?” “You’re imagining things.”

Trivializing: “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?” “You’re too sensitive.”

Forgetting/Denial: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “You’re just making stuff up again.”

How do Christians tend to gaslight?

Withholding: “You are being faithless and ungrateful when you bring up things from the past.” “Your need to resolve this problem is another indicator of your empty soul.”

Countering: “If you were able to see things with spiritual eyes, you would know that your memory does not serve you well.” “When are you going to learn to forgive?”

Blocking/Diverting: “If you trusted God, you wouldn’t hold onto these sorts of issues.” “You have an issue with forgiveness.” “Your lack of humility and self-righteousness constantly interrupt our relationship.”

Trivializing: “The way you make everything such a big deal shows your total lack of faith to trust that God is in charge.” “When you finally learn to let go and let God, you’ll see why you’re blowing all of this out of proportion.” “A sin is a sin and there is nothing worse about my sins than yours. No one has the right to judge here.”

Forgetting/Denial: “I choose to trust God with those details and if you were a person of faith you would, too.” “If it really happened, God would have spoken to my heart about that, but he didn’t. So until then, I don’t have to respond to your issues.”

When you doubt your instincts within the context of any relationship – with friends, family, colleagues, bosses, professors, roommates, partners, the biggest healing maneuver is to set firm limits. We only have our experiences, which – when broke down – result in two things: what we feel and what we think.

If someone does not allow those two things to matter, we are no longer with a person who will accept our personhood. Period. I strenuously urge you to discontinue or avoid that relationship if you have tried more than three times to get that person to accept your experience of any event.

But does God’s Word address this form of mental abuse? You won’t find the word “gaslighting” in Strong’s Greek Concordance or Lexicon. But that doesn’t mean it was not happening. Some might say that in the Apostle Paul’s confrontation with the Apostle Peter in Antioch was a form of gaslighting.

I like how Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians addresses this from a positive point of view. In other words, we may not be able to stop it but we can sure resist being a victim. Here’s how Paul prayed:

“I pray that the great God and Father of our Lord Jesus the Anointed One may give you the wisdom of His Spirit.” Paul shared this with the Roman believers: The Spirit himself speaks to God for us. He begs God for us, speaking to him with feelings too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)

Paul continues: “Then you will be able to understand the secrets about Him as you know Him better.” Most of us have a general concept of God and His divine abilities, but it is not until we study His Word that we learn secrets about how He helps us deal with negative and toxic relationships. King David says to those who were telling him to get out of town, I trust in the Lord, so why did you tell me to run and hide? Why did you say, “Fly like a bird to your mountain?” (Psalm 11:1). In other words, don’t be intimidated by their gaslighting attempts.

The Apostle concludes: “I pray that your hearts will be able to understand. I pray that you will know about the hope given by God’s call. I pray that you will see how great the things are that He has promised to those who belong to Him. I pray that you will know how great His power is for those who have put their trust in Him.” (Ephesians 1:17-19)

Always keep this treasured verse by the Apostle John in mind: The Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. (1 John 4:4) – Dr. Robert R. Seyda

The famous Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once said: “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”[1] What this wise man was talking about was integrity.

Psychologist Seth Meyers tells us that integrity is a word you hear almost every day, but it’s not a word that people spend a lot of time thinking about. If you try to define it, what would you say? According to the dictionary, integrity is “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.” Put another way, the root of integrity is about doing the right thing even when it’s not acknowledged by others, or convenient for you. An individual with integrity is the antidote to self-interest. There are countless examples of integrity in everyday life—and yet we seldom see some them acted out in our daily lives:

Dr. Meyers suggest the following examples of integrity:

            When parents apologize to their children for wrongly punishing or unnecessarily yelling at them.

            Bosses highlighting their staffs’ accomplishments and downplaying their own.

            Couples who refuse to call each other derogatory names and treating them with disrespect.

            Drivers who refuse to give in to road-rage no matter how discourteous the other driver may have been.

            Refuse to keep other people waiting because of personal business or lack of good time-management.

            Giving another person the benefit of the doubt when the circumstances are unclear.

            Doing things voluntarily instead of always wanting to be rewarded.

Dr. Meyers goes on to say the good news about integrity is that we’re not born with it—or without it—which means that it’s a behavior-based virtue we can cultivate over time. We can set a goal to show more integrity in everyday life and we can reach that goal by practicing the behaviors above, as well as countless others which too often go unnoticed.

Psychologist Leon F. Seltzer tells us that perhaps the most important thing you possess is your integrity. It’s your word of honor—what makes you honorable. Yet at one time or another, you’ve certainly violated this trustworthy, most “sacred” part of yourself. Why? Whether to yourself or others, what is it that, from deep within, compels you to go back on your word?

Other psychologists tell us that integrity is a personality trait and comprises the personal inner sense of “wholeness” deriving from honesty and consistent uprightness of character. The etymology of the word relates it to the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete). Evaluators, of course, usually assess integrity from some point of view, such as that of a given ethical tradition or in the context of an ethical relationship.

Not only that, but integrity is consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. As a big picture concept, it judges the quality of a system in terms of its ability to achieve its own goals. We must employ the thinking process of reducing the information contained in a concept in order to retain only facts. Then we can see what evidence is relevant in understanding a particular purpose for someone’s actions. That allows us to see how it applies to any interaction between people that reveals significant factors in identifying integrity due to a person’s appropriate or inappropriate behavior. A value system may evolve over time while retaining integrity if those who advocate that values account for and help resolve inconsistencies.

But what does the Holy Book have to say about integrity? King Solomon is a gold mine of thoughts and concepts about integrity. For instance, he says, “People with integrity are sure-footed, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.”[2] Then Solomon states, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their dishonesty.”[3] The King goes on to record, “It is better to be poor and have integrity than to be dishonest and a fool.”[4] But wise Solomon is not finished, he tells us that “The godly walk with integrity;blessed are their children who imitate them.”[5] And then he repeats what he said before in different words, “It is better to be poor with integrity than to be dishonest and rich.”[6]

We can also find examples of integrity when we look at Samuel’s life and conduct.[7] And King David tells us that God can be trusted because He is trustworthy. That’s the point: It always comes down to the issue of character, not just words. Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it’s a matter of having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. This is how God is. This is how His people should be. And the writer of Hebrews defines what integrity means: “Jesus the Anointed One is the same yesterday, today and forever.”[8]

So, the question that remains is do we resemble any on these examples of integrity?  If the answer is “some” or “none” we can use them as tools in teaching us the value of integrity. Remember, you may be less than totally honest with yourself or others, but it is fatal to be dishonest with God. – Dr. Robert R Seyda

[1] From Tao Te Ching (The way of integrity)

[2] Proverbs 10:9

[3] Ibid. 11:3

[4] Ibid. 19:1

[5] Ibid. 20:7

[6] Ibid. 28:6

[7] 1 Samuel 12:1-4

[8] Hebrews 13:8

WOUNDS WON’T HEAL UNTIL THEY ARE CLEANED

This story is written by a lady named Kimberly. It is something she went through after doing something she knew was wrong and didn’t know if God would ever forgive her. So, she wanted to share her victory with others going through the same dark valley. She begins by asking, “Have you ever felt as if something is broken in your life – either something within you or something in your circumstances?” If so, perhaps you did what I did, run to destructive habits, like emotional eating, as a reaction to brokenness.

I thought I could get over it, that my negative habits of self-pity could soothe my hurt feelings. It did for a little while. Even made me put my brokenness out of my mind. But it wasn’t long before something happened to cause the jagged pieces of hurt feelings and despair cut into me again.

Before I knew it, I got caught up in a destructive cycle; trying to escape that pain of brokenness to that something I hoped would make me feel whole again. But I remembered what King David prayed that described these same feelings: ^“I am weak and broken. I cry because of the pain in my heart.” (Psalm 38:8).

Let me tell you what I discovered so that if you are dealing with something broken in your life that keeps driving you back into unhealthy behavior, here are two Scriptures that helped me and I know they will help you. First, “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart. And He saves those who are broken in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18). And there is: “The high and honored One Who lives forever, Whose name is Holy, says, ‘I live in the high and holy place. And I also live with those who are sorry for their sins and have turned from them and are not proud. I give new strength to the spirit of those without pride, and also to those whose hearts are sorry for their sins.’” (Isaiah 57:15)

I learned that to receive the Lord’s help for my despair, was to first recognize that I could not repair myself. I knew several people who were enslaved to destructive habits because they refuse to admit they needed help. Their pride prevented them from doing so. I didn’t want to end up like they did.

To me, it looked like they had this “golden image,” of self-sufficiency and looking strong before others while inside they are falling apart. Underneath it all, they live under the fear of being “found out.”

It dawned on me, that freedom and healing would only come when I too stopped worshipping that golden image and get real.

I agreed with the spirit within me to let God remove those destructive habits and submit my heart to Him for healing so that I could be truly whole once more. So, here’s what I prayed:

            “Gracious Heavenly Father, in the compassionate name of Jesus, I am so grateful to you that You saved me from my sins! You said that sin would not have dominion over me, for I am not under law but under grace.”

            “How I need your grace now so that I can walk in freedom every day. You welcome those who have a broken spirit and a broken and a contrite heart. Welcome me into your presence Lord, for I am weak and broken in my flesh. I recognize You as the One who heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds. I honor You as the Repairer of the Breach. Make me whole in You. Fill me with your comfort and your peace.”

            “I am Your child, Your handiwork. I renounce the broken cisterns I’ve run to in my life, those worthless things that can hold no water. Instead, I turn to You in my brokenness, the Fountain of Living Waters. You promised that those who come to You will have an everlasting spring – waters that will never fail. These waters will revive me and refresh others. I believe Your word. Each day, perfect me in Your love.”

            “I know it is only Your perfect love that will cast out fear. As You heal me, make me a channel of blessing so that I may share with others the healing that You have worked out in me. Thank You for saving me, Lord. Thank You for giving a new vision of my life past my pain, but a new life that is complete – one that is healthy, healed, and whole in You! In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

I knew then I needed to make a drastic change in order to live in health, healing, and wholeness, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The Bible gives us a prescription for change in Romans 12:2: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

It would be nice if our mind was renewed automatically when we accept Jesus as our Savior. But it is not. We must take the initiative to cast out old, self-defeating thoughts and replace them with thoughts that are consistent with God’s word. Only then can we experience new life in Christ.

I remember my first class in “Ethics” at the University of North Dakota. The professor wanted to introduce us to the subject. His definition was short and sweet. He said, “Ethics is determining what is right and what is wrong.”

To put it simply, ethics represents the moral code that guides a person’s choices and behaviors throughout their life. The idea of a moral code extends beyond the individual to include what is determined to be right, and wrong, for a community or society at large.

Ethics is concerned with rights, responsibilities, use of language, what it means to live an ethical life, and how people make moral decisions. We may think of moralizing as an intellectual exercise, but more frequently it’s an attempt to make sense of our gut instincts and reactions. It’s a subjective concept, and many people have strong and stubborn beliefs about what’s right and wrong that can place them in direct contrast to the moral beliefs of others. Yet even though morals may vary from person to person, religion to religion, and culture to culture, many have been found to be universal, stemming from basic human emotions.

According to Dr. Stephen Behnke American Psychological Association Ethics Director, “Ethics” and “ethical” are words that people use in different ways. For some, to say that a psychologist has behaved “unethically” means that the psychologist has violated a rule of conduct, perhaps a licensing board regulation or a standard in the APA Ethics Code. This way of thinking about ethics focuses on the unethical, the absence of what is ethical, a breach in the minimum standards of our profession’s behavior. The “Code of Conduct” aspect of the Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct sets forth 89 such standards, a violation of which constitutes “unethical” behavior.[1]

Deborah Smith, a Monitor staff member shares some interesting points on how to keep from being called unethical. One of them is, “Understanding what constitutes a multiple relationship.” For instance, if you are a real estate agent, is it ethical to volunteer at one of you children’s functions if you know there may be buyers there? Or, can you buy a car from one dealer and not others because he is one of you clients? Can you tell an employee to drive you to the airport? The question is, whose needs are you most interested in, yours or the other person?

Another point is, can you be trusted to protect confidentiality? When you are asked to provide information on people you know personally to employers, spouses, school administrators, insurance companies and others do you comply without asking their permission? While such requests may be well-intentioned, you need to carefully balance the disclosure with your ethical obligations to protect their confidentiality. In addition, if someone asks you about an individual, they want to harm who harmed you, do you give them the information?

Then we have, respecting people’s autonomy. For instance, if you never tell your child, or a friend, or a neighbor that you just planted flower bulbs in your back yard that are covered with dirt, is it ethical to confront them and accuse them of damaging your flowers when you never told them about the bulbs to begin with? Or, you don’t want anyone coming into the house through the front door, but you did not put up a sign that says, “Please do not enter here. Use the back door.” Should these violators of your unwritten law be punished or told they are not welcome?

Then the next one is, know your responsibilities before telling someone else they are failing in carrying out theirs. Any area or responsibility assigned to you makes you a supervisor. That means you should continually assess the competence of those you are in charge of to make sure they are doing their job appropriately. Such supervision should cover everything the person was told to do, how to do it, and report any problems that come up keeping them from finishing their task. Sometimes parents stop raising their children when they hit their teens, and there are others still trying to raise them long after they are married and gone.

Then there is this: Write it down, keep track, know what the timeline is. Many relationships have been fractured when someone says, “You didn’t tell me that.” Or “You just told me today, not last week like you’re saying.” Sometimes I wish I had a “bodycam” like the police do so I could rewind and prove my assertion. But they are not to be used for that purpose. But you can keep a daily journal and write down when you make certain statements or give particular instructions.

Another is “Practice only where you have expertise.” The problem is that, many times, we are not aware that there’s something we don’t know? If you don’t know where the boundaries are on your area of responsibility or breadth of your knowledge, you must know there are certain guidelines to keep you in bounds. You may be well-intentioned, but not realize you’re going beyond the boundaries of your competence.

And finally, stick to the evidence. When you give your expert opinion or conduct an assessment or offer advice, base your evaluation only on the facts available. For example, don’t take sides in believing one person over the other just because they are part of your extended family. We must be always mindful about what we know, what we don’t know, and what our sources of information are or have been.[2]

But what does God’s Word have to say? King David told the Lord, “Let what is good and what is right keep me safe, because I wait for You.” (Psalm 25:21). King Solomon states that “The Lord detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.” (Proverbs 11:1). In other words, always remain fair and balanced. He also states, “Don’t be happy when someone you don’t like has troubles. Don’t be glad when they fall.” (Proverbs 24:17).

The Apostle Peter says that all of us “Should live together in peace. Try to understand each other. Love each other like brothers and sisters. Be kind and tolerant.” (1 Peter 3:8) And the Apostle Paul tell us to “Watch what we say. Don’t let biased words come from our mouth. Say what is good for all concerned. Our words should help others grow as Christians.” (Ephesians 4:29). And the Apostle told the Philippians, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” (Philippians 2:4).

To sum it all up, we can agree that ethics is doing what’s right even if we are in the wrong. There could have been other people besides you that the Holy Spirit called to the altar before Jesus to receive forgiveness and eternal life. But He chose you. Not because you were better than anyone else, but because His love has no bias or discrimination.[3] Since He treated us that way, what excuse do we have for not treating others the same? – Dr. Robert R Seyda

[1] Ethics Rounds, July/August 2005, Vol 36, No. 7

[2] Monitor, January 2003, Vol. 34, No. 1

[3] Romans 5:8

A GENTLE ANSWER CALMS FRUSTRATION (Proverbs 15:1)

Mary Ellen Mann is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Denver. Here is her. I recently returned from a trip to California deeply grieving that my opportunity to be interviewed on a large, popular podcast (which focused on mental health and healing) was cancelled last minute for a seemingly trivial reason. My topic was on spiritual abuse, something that is not often spoken about in public. This sent me into a triggered tailspin, which included lots of crying on a public beach where I happened to take his call.

While my recent cancelled interview was not abusive, it brought up all the old deep-down, gut-wrenching triggers and familiar—but unfriendly—feelings of being unimportant, unheard, and cast aside. It’s these feelings that are connected to spiritual abuse for me specifically. At this point in my life, crying in public is not an issue, but finding safe ways through my triggers from a spiritually abusive past is an ongoing challenge. It’s taken me many years of personal work and therapy to understand and to validate my own experiences.

Spiritual abuse can be defined as abuse committed under the guise of religion, or harm inflicted in God’s name. I grew up in the Jesus Movement, a subset of the Evangelical movement, in which I was taught, as a small child, about Satan, demons, being in a spiritual war, end-times apocalypse, and that all unbelievers would burn in hell for eternity.

The Jesus Movement was organized around communities, which worked together to help addicts, the mentally ill and others who struggled to function. As a result of community living, our family lived with a cast of characters who were either safe and respectful or who were quite dangerous.

The message I primarily and unconsciously absorbed as a “ministry kid” was that I needed to be “a healer,” “a helper” and at all costs. God had no boundaries. Nothing was impossible with God. Pleasing God was about having no gut instinct, and no voice that contradicted their belief.

Thus, my personal safety, my need for consistency or predictability “washed up on the shore” after years of being storm tossed in the ocean. Trusting God meant being in a turbulent sea with no rudder, no sails, and no compass. Subsequently, I felt terrified by how none of this felt safe and by how God allegedly judged me for being afraid, angry, doubtful, or frustrated in any way that would reflect badly on our faith, community, or mission. My childhood needs didn’t matter. In fact, I didn’t matter. Does this sound abusive so far?

Because I was also taught to fear unbelievers, fear “the world,” as well as the supernatural, there were no outside resources from which to objectively seek new truth. My well-intentioned parents didn’t understand or notice the stress, anxiety, and the nightmares I lived with constantly.

As I struck out on my own as a young adult, I joined ministries and mission organizations, and Bible Schools. I finally got a degree in social work and counseling and became a mental health therapist. During those early adult years, I experienced silencing and disparity based on my gender. This also took form in the way of sexual and emotional abuse, and in ministry contexts. Sadly, my internal formation and past fears did not allow me to fully process or speak out against abuses, because if I did, it meant I was speaking out against God or leadership. In effect, my speaking out would have meant I would have lost my community, and/or be labeled as “bitter,” “fallen” or “deceived.”

I understand now that these old, haunting messages played a large part in my story of staying quiet. I had lived with fear and anxiety for so long that it had become the norm for me. Internalizing it had sadly cost me my health. I also understand now that whenever your basic instinct is dismantled, your body can sometimes react through auto immune disorders, headaches, digestive pain and so on. I have had to relearn how to “trust my intuition” in my own spiritual journey, and as a safeguard, validate my intense resistance to being controlled and manipulated. It can still be difficult sometimes to know who and what to trust.

So, even after all my years of intentional healing work, I still found myself crying on the beach feeling unheard, and with so much I wanted to say to others who had experienced what I had. In cases like this, I allow myself to grieve and I remember that deeply lonely feeling of having to “shut up and shut down.” I know that shutting up helped me survive my early years, but it’s no longer tolerable to my body or my soul.

Plus, it’s not my personality to be quiet about injustice or healing. I knew my tears honored the younger me who did the best she could to be quiet, and survive what seemed to be a terrifying, no-win existence.

Maybe you did not have the same upbringing as Mary Ellen. You were not part of church or ministry that demanded obedience without questioning what you were told to do or be. But without knowing it, sometimes we put our family and friends through the same grief when they come to us for guidance and instruction. As soon as they express doubt about the way life is treating them, what they get from us is a lecture on how wrong they are in doing things their way instead of God’s way. Parents do this to children and friends do this to their friends and believers to it to other believers. Even some pastors are known to be this way. Maybe that’s why they don’t want to talk to you, all they get is a scolding not tender loving care.

Paul told the Ephesians “Don’t use harsh language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29) And later Paul tells them, “And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on admonishing and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord Himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice.” (Ephesians 6:4) And the Apostle Peter told his followers “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of mistakes – missed opportunities or expectations.” (1 Peter 4:8).

Keep in mind, those who come to you for advice may have already been told by others how wrong they were and had their mistakes pointed out in detail, somewhat like a person trying to scold a dog or cat for knocking over a plant or peeing on the floor. You might be their last stronghold, the one they trust most to lift them up, not knock them down. As the Apostle Paul said, “Be willing to accept those who have doubts about what believers can or cannot do. And don’t argue with them about their different ideas.” (Romans 14:1) If you have anything to offer, make sure it comes from God’s Word. – Dr. Robert R Seyda

NEW TESTAMENT CONTEXTUAL COMMENTARY

by Dr. Robert R. Seyda

PAUL’S LETTER TO THE GALATIAN CONGREGATIONS OF BELIEVERS

SUMMARY OF CHAPTER SIX

When we arrive at the beginning of chapter six, Paul has spent whole chapters hammering away at the false doctrines of the Judaizers and imploring the Galatians to return to the message of the Gospel. It is refreshing, then, to see Paul tackle some practical matters within the Church community as he wraps up his communication.

To begin with, Paul shows that when a brother or sister in the Anointed One gets caught by sin, other Christians should step in instead of looking away. Spiritually mature Christians should help to restore the one caught by sin with gentleness and humility. It is one of the ways those in the Anointed One can help to carry each other’s burdens. When the load one of us is hauling around becomes too heavy, others should step in to help that person get through that season. It does not mean that life in union with the Anointed One is lived alone.

Paul emphasized the need for gentleness and caution in such restoration. Having rejected the First Covenant Law as a means of salvation, he encouraged the Galatians to “fulfill the law of the Anointed One” by carrying one another’s burdens.

Having said that, Paul encourages Christians to take careful stock of the work they do in the Spirit without comparing themselves to each other. We should be honest with ourselves and take full responsibility to do what is ours to do in following the Anointed One. One of those responsibilities is to share the good things God gives to us with those who teach us the Word.

Paul is quick to point out that faith in the Anointed One for salvation doesn’t mean we should avoid doing good things or obeying God’s commandments. The opposite is true – actions that are grounded in sinful tendencies will produce the “works of the flesh,” as described in chapter five, while a life lived in the power of the Spirit will bear an abundance of good fruit.

Next applies the comparison of planting and harvesting to living in the flesh and living in the Spirit. Those who insist on trying to be made righteous before God by the effort of their good moral deeds in following the Law will harvest a failed crop. Only those who plant works of faith by God’s Spirit will yield eternal life (Galatians 6:6–8).

So, Paul encourages those who walk by the Spirit not to give up doing good. Don’t get tired of it, he writes. The harvest is coming! Use up all the planting time to do good to everyone, especially other Christian in this house of faith we live in as brothers and sisters with the same Father.

Paul concludes his letter by, presumably, taking the pen from his scribe – something like a secretary who would write down his words – to write the ending with his hand, and he writes with big letters! He immediately goes back to the issue of circumcision, revealing once more that the false teachers pressuring the Galatians to get circumcised are only interested in promoting themselves. The Galatians must not allow themselves to be misused in that way.

Paul concluded his letter by again summarizing his major argument: neither circumcision nor obedience to the Law have any chance to connect us with God. Only faith in the death and resurrection can save us.

For his part, Paul will not brag about how many people he led to faith in the Anointed One. He will brag, though, about the cross of the Anointed One. That’s where Paul crucified his passion for the things of the world, and vice versa. Because he has been set free by faith in the Anointed One, the world no longer has anything that interests him.

Paul closes his letter with a plea and two blessings. Paul tells everyone to stop causing him trouble since he belongs to Jesus. He blesses all who follow the rule that circumcision doesn’t matter, but being a new creation in the Anointed One does. Then he offers his standard closing blessing, to all the saints in Galatians.