Despite popular opinion, and no matter how many times your father or mother may quote it or your pastor promote it, the famous saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” cannot be found anywhere in the Bible. There are, however, several verses that promote a similar concept. The most familiar is in Proverbs 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates their children.” You can also see other verses that speak of the rod as an instrument of discipline.¹

In the English language, this verse in Proverbs may be what prompted William Langland in 1377 to write this line in one of his poems: “Whoso spareth the sprig – spoileth the children,”² which he quotes from the Latin, “Qui parcit virgae, odit filium.” A more modern translation would read: “He that spares his rod hates his son.” Then in 1662, Samuel Butler includes a similar line in one of his poems that reads: “Then spare the rod, and spoil the child.”³ However, many English literature scholars believe that Samuel Butler had something else in mind besides discipline.

In any case, while this saying is not a direct quote from the Bible, it does carry with it what the Scriptures have to say about discipline. Not that it promotes beating children as a way of getting them to obey, but by teaching them right from wrong in a manner that causes them to respect authority, but at the same time to be aware that it is done out of love not anger or revenge.

Listen to what the Bible says about how God disciplines His children. The writer of the Letter to the Hebrews quotes the writer of Proverbs when he writes: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His child.”⁴

The key here is that discipline is based on love, not frustration, disappointment, irritation or retribution. A child knows when they are being disciplined out of love. They can see it in their parent’s face, hear it in their voice, and see it in the method they use to carry it out. Discipline should always be used as a way to help a child to grow, mature and learn the difference between what will work for them and what will work against them. Harsh criticism and severe disciple should never be used to make a parent look good or to make up for their parental weaknesses. This is called the “grace” factor in discipline.

When we understand that discipline is guided by unconditional love and unmerited favor, then whatever discipline is carried out it is done to help the child, not hurt them. That’s the way God does it. Sometimes He denies us our requests because we are not ready yet for what we want. At other times He allows disappointments to come our way so that when we try again we’ll be able to do it better. And sometimes He allows pain in our lives so that we can better understand how it feels when we hurt others, or give us compassion for what they are going through.

The writer of Hebrews goes on to say: “So accept sufferings like a father’s discipline. God does these things to you like a father correcting his children. You know that all children are disciplined by their fathers. So, if you never receive the discipline that every child must have, you are not true children and don’t really belong to God. We have all had fathers here on earth who corrected us with discipline. And we respected them. So it is even more important that we accept discipline from the Father of our spirits. If we do this, we will have life. Our fathers on earth disciplined us for a short time in the way they thought was best. But God disciplines us to help us so that we can be more perfect like Him. We don’t enjoy discipline when we get it. It is painful. But later, after we have learned our lesson from it, we will enjoy the peace that comes from doing what is right.” – Dr. Robert R. Seyda