03/07/26

Do you remember, as a child, being scolded for something you did wrong and having your parent ask you, “Do you understand?” Or as a teenager, being told that something you were getting involved in was not good for you and being asked, “Do you understand?” Or after a teacher gave an assignment that was due the next day, they asked, “Do you understand?” followed by “Do you have any questions?” One of the most famous movie lines was when Marlon Brando said, “You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” (On the Waterfront [1954]). But I wonder if we really understand what “understand” really means?

Let’s begin with the word itself, “under-stand.” No, we can’t reverse the words to read “stand under.” The English word “understand” originates from the Old English understandan, which meant to comprehend, grasp an idea, or “stand in the midst of”. It is a compound of understand (meaning “among” or “between,” rather than “beneath”) and standan (“to stand”).

So, what do psychologists have to say about “understanding?” For them, understanding is viewed not as a static “state” of having an answer, but as a dynamic, ongoing process of gaining insight into oneself and others. In this process, let’s look at the Power of “Feeling Understood.” Psychologists emphasize that feeling understood is a fundamental human need, often more critical for relationship health than love alone. Then comes “Mental Reward.” Being understood activates brain regions associated with reward and social connection, while being misunderstood triggers regions linked to negative affect. This validates a person’s sense of self and allows them to feel emotionally safe, which is essential for managing distress. As such, it enables partners to see from each other’s perspectives, fostering deeper and more resilient connections. 

However, cognitive psychologists often define understanding as the ability to acquire, organize, and use knowledge to achieve a goal. Unlike “knowing” (which is simple awareness), understanding requires a deep conceptual connection that allows for interpretation and application. Also, in educational and clinical settings, understanding is demonstrated through observable behaviors—such as the ability to explain a concept in one’s own words rather than just nodding. 

But psychologists have encountered certain barriers to Accurate Understanding. Research shows that humans are often less accurate in their understanding than they believe. People frequently overestimate their understanding of complex systems or patterns until asked to explain them in detail. They’ve learned that pre-existing beliefs, emotional filters, and biases (such as the Dunning-Kruger effect) can create significant barriers to accurate perception of others.

So, to improve understanding, psychologists recommend several active techniques, such as Perspective-Taking: Instead of just observing, “simulating” or putting yourself “in someone else’s shoes” is often more effective for understanding their mental state. Also, Listening to Understand: Shifting from listening to respond (preparing your own point) to listening to understand (fully grasping their perspective). And finally, Self-Inquiry. It means developing a deeper understanding of one’s biases, history, and emotions, which makes it easier to have compassion and understanding for others.

But what does the Bible say about understanding? It tells us that true understanding originates from God and is given to those who seek it. Solomon famously asked for an “understanding mind” to govern properly, and God granted it to him. In fact, the Bible repeatedly states that the “fear of the Lord”—a sense of reverent awe and respect—is the essential starting point for both wisdom and a good understanding. Not only that, but understanding is gained by studying God’s word. Psalm 119:130 notes that the “unfolding of [God’s] words… imparts understanding to the simple.”

It also reveals that Jesus promised that the Spirit of Truth would guide believers into all truth and provide spiritual discernment that the “natural” mind cannot comprehend. One of the most-cited verses, Proverbs 3:4-5, informs believers that if you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. This encourages relying on God’s infinite perspective rather than one’s own limited and often mistaken perceptions. Understanding is also described as more valuable than silver or gold. Proverbs 4:7 emphasizes its importance, stating that the first step to becoming wise is to look for wisdom, so use everything you have to get understanding. Therefore, a person of understanding is characterized by being “slow to anger”, “restraining his words”, and “turning away from evil.”

However, factors such as a “hardness of heart,” pride, and sin can darken or hinder a person’s ability to understand spiritual truths. At the same time, Philippians 4:6-7 tells us not to worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.