No one who was present orthose who watched on TV or the Internet can forget the scene when Erika Kirk stood before millions and forgave the killer of her husband. This sparked numerous discussions on why she did it and what difference it would make. We can understand this better by examining what forgiveness is all about. We find that psychologists view forgiveness as a conscious, voluntary process of releasing feelings of resentment and vengeance toward a person who has caused harm. It is widely considered a moral virtue and a powerful internal mechanism for emotional and physical healing. Psychologists also emphasize several key distinctions to clarify what true forgiveness entails: First, forgiveness is primarily an internal shift in the victim’s feelings and attitudes, rather than an external interaction with the offender. Then, forgiving someone does not require restoring the relationship or trusting them again, especially if they remain dangerous or unrepentant. Furthermore, forgiveness does not mean excusing the behavior, denying the injustice occurred, or “forgetting” the event; instead, it is remembering without the intense emotional sting of rage. That means one can forgive a perpetrator internally while still seeking legal accountability or societal justice. 

In addition, research consistently links forgiving to significant health improvements. It helps reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. It also boosts self-esteem and fosters hope for the future. This can lead to lower blood pressure, improved cholesterol levels, and better sleep quality. In short, forgiveness deactivates the body’s chronic “fight-or-flight” response, reducing cortisol levels and strengthening the immune system. 

We also hear about psychological models of forgiveness that help the victim to recall the hurt objectively. One is to empathize with the offender to understand their perspective, and to offer forgiveness as a gift to yourself. This helps to hold onto the forgiveness when memories of the hurt resurface. 

That brings us to challenges and considerations. Psychologists warn that “premature” or coerced forgiveness can be detrimental, potentially leading to self-blame or the addition of shame if the victim is not ready. It prompts us to consider the most difficult form, which involves accepting responsibility and releasing self-condemnation through steps such as Responsibility, Remorse, Restoration, and Renewal.

But what does the bible say about forgiveness? To begin with, forgiveness is a central theme of the Christian faith, describing it as both a divine gift from God and a mandatory responsibility for believers. The Bible also teaches that God is naturally merciful and ready to pardon those who seek Him. That means, forgiveness is given through the riches of God’s grace and the sacrifice of Jesus the Christ, not because of human merit. That signifies that when God forgives, He is described as removing sins “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12) and remembering them no more (Jeremiah 31:34). However. At the same time, God’s mercy is abundant; receiving it often involves confession and turning away from sin (1 John 1:9). This teaches us that forgiving others is not an optional “good deed” but a requirement for those who have received God’s mercy. Believers are commanded to forgive others “just as through the Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

We also find that when Jesus was asked how many times one should forgive, He responded “seventy times seven,” indicating that forgiveness should be limitless (Matthew 18:21-22).  Jesus also stated explicitly that if you do not forgive others, your Heavenly Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15). According to various commentaries, forgiveness is an internal release rather than a validation of wrongdoing. That means you can forgive someone in your heart to release bitterness, but reconciliation requires the other person’s repentance and the rebuilding of trust. We are also told to put away any thoughts of vengeance (“Romans 12:19). Furthermore, forgiving does not mean allowing yourself to remain in an abusive or harmful situation; it is possible to forgive while maintaining safety and healthy boundaries. 

Those who have gone through the process of forgiveness know how difficult it can become. But just remember, Jesus, ask God to forgive those who had tortured Him and nailed Him to the cross. So, can we do anything less?