THE GALLOWS OF GUILT –

Having to deal with Ahithophel’s treachery brings back memories of one of David’s saddest moments, his murderous and adulterous affair with Ahithophel’s granddaughter Bathsheba. Neither Saul’s constant pursuit nor Absalom’s traitorous rebellion brought him as close to despair as the guilt he bore and wrestled with over during the lowest time in his life. Especially after the prophet Nathan exposed him as the culprit. But he knew that wallowing in guilt did not heal the wounds. It took the balm of God’s grace applied to his heart to stop the emotional bleeding. So he went to the Great Physician for healing.

“O LORD Eternal don’t stay mad at me; please don’t whip me while You’re angry with me. Your arrows of conviction have already wounded me, and I feel as though I’ve been struck hard by Your hand. I feel miserable from head to toe, and don’t think I can last another day. What I did was so horribly wrong that I get dizzy just thinking about it; it’s like a huge weight causing me to sink into a hole too deep for me to survive. I can’t take it anymore; just thinking about how reckless I was makes me sick. I’m miserable, depressed, and walk around in a cloud of despair. I’m hurting all over, and every part of me is suffering. I feel numb inside and out; my heart is so shattered I feel like screaming. O Heavenly Master, You know I’m desperate for an end to this misery; I can’t hide anything from You. My head is spinning; I’m worn out; the sparkle has vanished from my eyes. My family, friends, and associates avoid me like the plague. Others have now joined in with threats and ridicule; it’s a constant barrage of insults. I try not to listen or pay attention to what’s going on; I just keep my mouth shut. I’m waiting for You to answer, for I know You will, O LORD Eternal, my Heavenly Master and One True God. I’m afraid that if I don’t make it and mess up even more, they will be encouraged and come at me with a vengeance. I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown; I can’t seem to get away from what’s tormenting me. And now that I’ve owned up to my moral failure, I feel more convicted than ever. And while I suffer, the growing crowd that despises me are living the good life and don’t seem to have a single worry in this world. No matter how conciliatory I’ve tried to be with them, they return my good with evil. So please, my LORD Eternal and my One True God don’t abandon me now; don’t just stand by and watch it happen. Hurry up and help me, O Heavenly Master, You are the only one who can save me now.” Psalm 38:1-23

Reflection: The great evangelist Dwight L. Moody once visited a prison on Center Street in lower Manhattan, N.Y., called “The Tombs,” to preach to the inmates. After he finished, Moody talked with a number of the men in their cells. He asked each one what brought them there. Again and again he received the same reply, “I don’t deserve to be here”; “I was framed”; “I am innocent!” As he neared the end of the cell row, he saw an inmate with his face buried in his hands. Moody asked, “What’s wrong?” The prisoner responded through tears, “My sins are more than I can bear.” Moody thanked God for the man’s honesty and agreed to lead the man in a sinner’s prayer. The man then smiled as he felt the shackles of sin fall away. What a lesson that although God’s Son died on the cross and shed His blood for everyone, only those who repent and ask for forgiveness will receive the joy that comes with being set free. Because once Jesus sets you free, you are pardoned, not paroled. Some people follow Saul’s example and let their guilt drive them to suicide. But David quickly and unreservedly poured out his heart to God; admitting his sin and the pain and humiliation it caused. He knew that God never turns away a sinner under conviction who sincerely asks for forgiveness, no matter how despicable the sin.